Ugh. This one hurt. This one really hurt.
It was like hunting high and low for the last teabag in the
entire house, to lovingly pour the water in just right, only for everything to
be destroyed when the milk comes out lumpy, resigning the teabag towards a slow
and yoghurty death.
The irony is I didn't even want this job when I first saw it
advertised, even though it had stated the role was a ‘writing opportunity for
psychology graduates’ which is literally me all over covered in gravy, but I kept
getting the feeling the demands of the job were better suited to an IT
graduate. I persevered with it however, optimistically thinking that despite
the new and foreign career area, you never know it could end up being the job
of my dreams. I’d done some e-learning when I worked in a supermarket and let
me tell you, those programmes drove me mad, so I already knew what not to do
when it came to e-learning which was a start.
I was also aware of the fact that I hadn't had an interview in about 8
months, so I reasoned that if I got through to the interview stage of this job, no
matter what happens it would be a really useful experience and a good
opportunity to sharpen up for when my ideal job came along. Also the job was in Brighton. Nuff said.
I sent off my CV and covering letter, clearly detailing why
I suit the job (and actually came to realise that my strengths happened to be
the skills they were after…maybe this job wasn't such a bad idea after all...)
In the covering letter, I pointed out a typo they had on their website. I
thought it could go either way. They might be offended and consider it
inappropriate, or they might take it as evidence that I have an eye for detail.
Luckily they went for the latter and I got an email shortly after inviting me
along to the assessment and interview day where I would also give a mini
presentation about myself. Hurrah! (The typo was swiftly corrected on their
website I duly noted).
To prepare, I exhausted the website. I read, and read, and
read. I learnt words I’d never even heard of before that day- moodle, open
source, scoping etc. I wanted to show that I was capable of picking up IT like
Mark Wright is capable of picking up girls. The more I read about them, the
more impressed with the company I became which made me want to work for them. They had grown from a small, local business to
a global, in-demand company in a short amount of time, leaving me thoroughly
impressed. Some of the work documented on the website was so beautiful I
realised that I want to be the sort of person that creates such visions, so all
of a sudden I became determined to get the job.
The day of the assessment and interview came, and I was
wearing my brand new skirt (bought especially) had buffed my heels, and had
even managed to plait my mane of hair for once. The nose ring was gone as was
the nail varnish. I even went so far to meticulously create the exact same
colour green of the company logo to match my PowerPoint slides background. Subliminal
messaging at its best. ;)
I arrived having caught a 6am train and bumped into a girl
outside the building who looked like she might be here for the interview too,
turned out she was and went in together. I began my usual verbal diarrhoea
tirade at her (hey, I like to make friends ok?) and I discovered we both went
to the same uni and will be graduating together the next day! She did history
so I asked her if she knew my friend Amelia and she said she shared a seminar
with her that year. For some reason some offhand comment Amelia had made about
a girl whose dissertation was on astrology came to my mind so I asked my
companion-slash-competitor if she knew that girl, and would you believe it, it
was actually her dissertation! This type of freaky coincidence is always very
exciting so I literally jumped up and down and probably said something banal
like "OH MY GOD what are the chances! What’s your starsign!?" In fact, I did
say that. Sadly, our conversation was cut short
as all the interviewees were ushered into a room to begin our day.
Around the table we were a group of 8. The final 8 it turned
out, fighting for between 1-4 jobs, depending on how many the company decided
to take on. Say they took on 4. That’s a 1 in 2 chance of getting the job,
which is pretty good going.
Of the 8 of us, I did notice that I was the one who
interacted the most. Not because I have a motor mouth, but because in comparison,
everybody else was just so quiet and serious. I probably should have got the
hint that that was the desired, or most appropriate tone, but I wanted to be
certain that the Managing Director, who had come down to say hello, wouldn't forget me. I somehow managed to make him laugh so surely that was a point in my
favour?
The morning was to consist of e-learning related assessment
tasks to gauge our natural ability for the skills required in the job, and the
afternoon would involve the interview and mini presentation.
Of the four assessment tasks I enjoyed all of them except
one. I tried my best and made sure I wrote lots (which is coincidentally why I
hated the ‘summarising task’, I am definitely a writer of the purple prose
variety and not one to scrimp on my word count… curse you tiny words) but I couldn't help notice that my compeers around the table all seemed very capable and
clever so it was going to be a tough competition.
After that came lunch. I only had 40 minutes before my
interview to search for food and tea and go over my notes, which although I would've liked more time to prepare, it probably wouldn't have changed the outcome of my
application in all honesty. A benefit of a later interview might have meant I’d
had time to come down from the sugar spike that ensued just as my interview
began…the combination of adrenaline and insulin in my bloodstream may have made
me a little bit more hyper animated than I would've liked
to have been…
Why oh why did I eat three Subway cookies for lunch? Ahh that’s
right, because they were 3 for 99p. What I thought was a bargain until I discovered
they were the most disgusting cookies I have ever eaten.
The interview.
I entered, shook hands confidently (in contrast to my usual
limp fish hand), gave them eye contact (well 70% of the time,
the other 30% was spent darting between the window, and the wall…till the sweat
drop down my…Lil’ Jon anyone? I hope you get that reference otherwise this is
an awkward sentence.) I smiled lots, they smiled lots, they (a man and a woman)
were really friendly so I felt at ease and very comfortable around them. I
started off with my presentation which they liked (couple of jokes thrown in
there, you know how I roll ;)) and then came the questions.
The whole thing was a blinder, it went really well, and at
the end of it we all said we couldn't believe how quickly it went. During the
interview I gave them two suggestions for how to improve e-learning that had
come to me like lightning bolts during our chats and joked that they could ‘have
those for free’. It was going pretty well, it was an energetic, upbeat, fun
interview with no awkward silences. Unknowingly I also mentioned a particular
project of theirs I’d seen on-line and professed how much I loved it and lo and
behold, it was created by the man sitting opposite me! That’s gotta go in my
favour surely?
In hindsight, however, my memory of a happy interview was interpreted
in the afterglow of the adrenaline high of it all, and I realise now I was
under a bit of a spell from the whole experience and may have over-focussed on
the positives due to a halo effect.
When I was alone later that day and really got a chance to
analyse it, I remembered how on two separate occasions I forgot the question
they asked me….straight after them asking me it, and had to ask them to repeat
the questions (it was that bloody distracting window, I was like a moth to a
flame with that frame) which doesn't give a great impression. I know I have the
concentration span of a potato but why did it have to happen mid interview…twice.
Another time I just genuinely couldn't answer the question, I wasn't expecting
it and because it was about past experiences, which again wasn't great as I also
happen to have the episodic memory of a potato (basically, I'm a potato) I just
blanked and couldn't give them an answer. Big fat cross in that box.
I also realised that I was very…enthusiastic shall we say,
and even though they were receptive and I thought we were all bouncing off each
other, I think it turns out I might've just been bouncing off the walls (that
damn distracting wall…) and maaaaybe came across a bit crazy lady. Which we
know I'm not. AM I? AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA.
Ahem, this took me back to how everybody else conducted themselves
in the morning and how I had noted then that I was being more bubbly than
others and although I felt good (the whole experience was just so damn
exciting L I was like a puppy seeing grass for the first time L) I most likely didn't show off my serious, controlled, work side, which is exactly what they were
looking for in employees.
The day after the interview, I graduated. I knew my new BFF
was gonna be going on stage to collect her certificate so I kept my eyes peeled
for her as I never actually got her name. Sometime through the ceremony, the
chancellor read out something along the lines of this “And the student who won
the X award for the highest marked dissertation, and also who won the X award
for x, y, z AND who also gained the highest overall history percentage goes to…..Elizabeth
Whatshersurname!” and there, out walked my interview buddy. Wow. She must've got the job, what a genius, and such a lovely person too! I don’t know if she
did get one of the precious roles but with credentials like that behind her I've no doubt about it. What I'd suspected as tough competition turned out to be on a whole other level...I had a feeling then that my chances of an acceptance were slim.
So when I got the email saying I was unsuccessful, I emailed
back straight away asking politely what I could improve on, and whether it was
the assessment or the interview that let me down. I mentioned that if I knew then
that would help a lot, and whether they thought I actually had good basic
e-learning developer skills, only for that email to bounce back as if the
address never existed! What a strange occurrence one might think…or the
suspicious Poirot among us might go so far to suggest that maybe they fixed it
so that withering rejects wouldn't be able to email back asking for feedback. THOSE
HEARTLESS SOULS.
No, seriously, it was for the best. I'm quite sure I know
why I didn't get it. Interviews aren't meant to be that fun, and the interviewee isn't meant to spend more time staring out the window thinking about the
physiological effects of E-numbers instead of relevant workplace skills. How
could they see me as a serious, mature person capable of dealing with big name
clients if I spent the whole time smiling and chatting away like an excitable
puppy? Yes they might’ve wanted to adopt me, but trust me with their work?
No.
I totally see why everyone else was
so quiet and serious now, employers need to be sure they’re hiring somebody who
is calm and collected and quietly confident. Ooh, the Three C’s we shall call
them. So learn from my lesson kiddywinks, tone down the crazy, show your
professional side, allow them to trust your abilities…and don’t eat three
cookies for lunch.
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