Wednesday, 8 May 2013

The Money Experiment

Lately, a lot of conversations with my friends have centred on how little disposable income (money/cash/dolla/wonga) we have due to the cost of adult life in the South East combined with the relatively low income we earn from our retail jobs. The days of student living are long gone, along with the beloved student discount and it’s becoming painfully apparent how hard it is to save for the future once all monthly expenses have been paid.

Of the two jobs I have (both part time retail work), the monthly salary I get from the (much) smaller contract covers all my bills and monthly expenses, leaving me with just the second salary to save and put away for the future. Considering I spent January and February paying back the £330 bill for my 12 year old car’s servicing, my March salary is the first wage this year I can actually squirrel away untouched in my bank account as long as I don’t go withdrawing from it.

Twenty minutes ago I was clearing out old receipts from my purse and counting my pennies when I had the idea that I will set myself a mini mission for the whole of April: To go the whole month living off the money I currently have in my purse. No more withdrawing from the bank, no more paying for things on debit cards- April is going to be a sincerely frugal month to see how little I can spend and how much more I can save.

The Rules:
      1.       Any monthly payments direct from my bank account to their respective creditors will be excluded from expenditures*.
      2.       Any money that is owed to me and paid back to me during the month can be added to the kitty as ‘spending money’.
      3.       Any spare change found in my clothing or in my car can be added to the kitty as spending money and used to spend during the month of April.
      4.       Only in emergencies or special circumstances will I use my card to withdraw money from ATMs, pay for things in shops, or pay for things online.
      5.       4 Cont. Any money I spend via my card will be deducted from the kitty.
      6.       The experiment will cease at my next payday, 26th April.

*The only direct debit payment I have is my monthly phone bill of £10.54.

I will record my daily spending on this blog as a record to see how much I really spend in one month and where I can cut back on.
As of the 31st March 2013, I have a grand total of £40.15 in my purse to last me the whole month. And a quarter tank of petrol in my car. I have a feeling this £40 may go very quickly indeed.


The Spending Log:

1st April:  When I first started working at The Body Shop, I used to park in the shopping centre car park 2 minutes walk away from the shop. I would be losing a quarter of my shift’s pay for the luxury of being able to park nearby, let alone the fact the machines seemed to enjoy swallowing my money (a running total of £8 gone never to be seen again). Sometime in January I discovered a residential road 15 minutes walk from the shop that I could leave my car in and avoid the daily stress of breaking notes into pound coins for the ticket machine. I park there now the majority of the time, as I did today, instantly saving £5. 

During today’s shift, two old school friends came in to surprise me at work (the best kind of surprise) and we arrange an evening of drinks and nibbles a la Wetherspoons tomorrow evening. Day 1 of my frugal month and I’m already committing to spending money eating out, but technically it’s a special occasion because I haven’t seen them for so long and Spoons is good value for money.

4pm, post-shift trip to Boots, I need a new lipgloss and deodorant. On discovering that lip glosses now cost £6.49 for a tube of liquid the consistency of syrup, I refrain from the purchase and resolve that my tin of Vaseline will have to act as lipgloss substitute for the foreseeable future. Deodorant wise I pick out the new product by Sanex that has the introductory offer of 99p and use my Boots Advantage Card to pay for it.
At home in the evening, I check my messages and see another friend has suggested a Spoons night out this week. Beginning to wish Spoons did a loyalty card. Perhaps I can get away with a tap water…

Total Expenditures Today: £0.00
Total Savings Today: £5.00 car park, £0.99 toiletries.
Total left in the Kitty: £40.15

2nd April:  Again, avoided the car park, instead lost my dignity trying and failing miserably to parallel park in a space that was clearly too small for my car. I’d brought my morning tea in an insulator mug (saving money on café made brews) and made a little packed lunch to eat between shifts (resisting my usual Boots meal deal lunchtime splurge).
In the evening I met with my friends in Spoons and bought the veggie burger and drink deal for £4.19, which is really good value, and ridiculously scrummy.

Total Expenditures Today: £4.19
Total Savings Today: Parking & home-made tea and lunch ~ £8.00
Total left in the Kitty: £35.96

3rd April: There was no traffic on the way to work, with it being the Easter holidays and all, so I was super early and decided to have a browse round the shops. Rosie had mentioned last night how Office had a sale on at the moment, so as if possessed by the God of Sales I found myself drawn there and would you believe it, they had one pair of cute black shoes left in my size that would be perfect for work. I’d been on the lookout for new work shoes for ages but had no luck, so when I should see those dainty size 4’s looking at me I just had to have them; they were £5 having been reduced from £18, so it really was fate. I can’t deny fate.

                                          Sensible work shoes: The £5 shoe of the £1 fish world.

Still had time to kill so popped into the newsagents and bought some polos for 69p, I literally haven’t had polos in years but mints are really useful if you work in retail and need refreshing during a long day. You could also say I’m buying them on behalf of the customer’s benefit, God forbid I ever eat a tuna and onion sandwich for lunch.
At work we launched a new product, the Vitamin E BB Cream which is an extra moisturising version of the current BB phenomenon dominating the cosmetic world. I tested it and it covered the perma-bags under my eyes- I like it already. Whenever a new product is released, all the staff get to take home a full size sample to use and get to know better, so I got one for free! Perks of the job. 

At home, the arrangements for tomorrow’s Spoons trip have been finalised. I have already decided I will be boring and not buy any food, especially as I have a vegetable pasta bake waiting in the fridge for me that expires tomorrow.

Total Expenditures Today: £5.69
Total Savings Today: £5.00 parking, free BB cream worth £10.00.
Total left in the Kitty: £30.27

4th April: Petrol.
The bane of my life. The metaphorical parasite to the metaphorical host that is my car.
I had waited until I had the tiniest drop left in my tank before admitting defeat and filling up at the petrol station. I purposely went to the cheapest provider I could find, the Shell garage in St.Johns which was selling unleaded for 136.9p, plus with my new Shell loyalty card I collected my first 20 points. It’s all about saving for the future…in about two years I’ll have enough points to get a £2.50 fuel voucher, just think how happy I’ll be when the time comes!

I didn’t want to, but I had to put in £20, which took me to half a tank full. I’ll probably need to top up another £20 in two weeks, which won’t be possible seeing as I’ve only got a tenner left in the kitty. I’m going to have to recall some debts or find some spare pennies down the back of the sofa pretty soonish.

Despite my expensive morning, I had a midday bargain when I used my O2 Priority App to pick up a free packet of Percy Pigs from Marks & Spencer, saving me £1.39. I don’t actually like Percy Pigs so I put them in the staff room for the others. Still, I was pleased with my ‘purchase’.

Spoons take two in the evening: I had committed to the idea of my vegetable pasta bake; I was going to save money and wait until I got home to eat. However an hour and a half later hunger began to set in, my friends were about to order, the menu looked so good…so I gave in and bought the 824 calorie chocolate fudge cake. Due to the wizardry that is meal deals, because Ellie was buying a curry, my desert became £1.35 cheaper so instead of logically thinking, “I’ve saved £1.35, I should keep this for another day”, I then rebounded and ordered a big tea to go with it, saving myself just 20p overall.  I also then felt really lame drinking a tea in a pub at 8pm.

Hello, old friend.

It was absolutely incredible though, so delicious, and I only really regretted it during the last few mouthfuls when my stomach felt so full that it might actually burst. A good substitute for dinner I feel.

In other news, nearly ran over a dog on the way home. (No harm done, dog was fine, he strolled off the middle of the road and into a driveway as I neared. Very surreal).

Have arranged to meet another friend at fancy (expensive) café tomorrow. More eating out!! My purse can’t take it.

Total Expenditures Today: £23.25
Total Savings Today: £1.39 sweets.
Total left in the Kitty: £7.02

5th April: Slept through my alarm this morning so had 15 minutes to get ready before having to leave for work this morning. I thought I was going to have to park in the car park for convenience sake, but miraculously no traffic meant I had enough time for my trusty residential spot, and I’d even found the time to make a tea in my insulator mug and a cheese sandwich! The sacrifice I made for this breakfast was the fact I looked like the underside of an old shoe, but hey ho.

Arranged to meet a friend at Basil café in Tunbridge Wells after work. Neither of us had been there before, but I will definitely be back, it’s my new favourite place. Before meeting my friend, I sneakily had a tea in the staffroom so that I wouldn’t have to buy one at the café, ergo saving money.
However, clearly not learning from the previous nights spoons lesson, again I rebounded from my smugness at ‘saving money’ and spent £4.85 on a halloumi and roasted vegetable Panini rather than a couple of quid on a cheese sandwich. I blame the halloumi. It’s such a delicious delicacy that I only eat a few times of year, and to see it on a platter in front of me I was hypnotised, I had to have it. Regretting that purchase already as now I have £2 to last me until payday (26th April, 21 days away).

In other news, got a letter from work today that says I’m getting a 19p pay rise which is quite a substantial difference. Definitely going to be rolling in it come April payday. (Not being sarcastic, I am genuinely excited about this pay rise).

Total Expenditures Today: £4.85
Total Savings Today: Car park £6.00, Tea £1.60
Total left in the Kitty: £2.17

Wow, I can’t believe in 5 days I’ve spent £40. It didn’t even last a week. In fairness, I never eat out as often as I have this week, it just so happens that with it being Easter, friends have come back from uni/have time off work so I couldn’t miss the opportunity to meet them. Fortunately socialising goes hand in hand with eating and drinking, and even though it's expensive I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m now going to have to chase up the £16 my brother owes me to keep me going a little longer and I know I’ve got some coins in my car so it’s not the end just yet!

6th April: After acquiring the £16 I was owed, my total has been bumped back up to £18.17. I didn’t buy anything today thus prolonging this mission by another day. At work, I finally picked out 2 of the 5 free make up items each new employee gets, choosing a set of eye shadows and a new bronzer, together worth £32.

At home I start browsing ebay for a rabbit bed. I’d seen one in the pet shop earlier in the week and thought that it seemed like a reasonable and justifiable expenditure that is completely essential to my rabbit, Widow Pickles, quality of life. The pet shop one was £11 though, way too expensive.  I found what appeared to be the same brand on ebay but for £3.83 + £2.70 p+p. Impulsivity and temptation get the better of me and I order it, spending £6.53 in total. I don’t know why, but being so focussed on money lately has seemed to made me spend more of it, and even though I’ve made a lot of savings from savvy shopping, it’s ended up backfiring on me as I keep thinking I have more disposable cash to spend than I do.

I ended the day finding 1p under the sofa.

Total Expenditures Today: £6.53
Total Savings Today: £32.00 makeup, technically saved £4.47 by opting for cheaper rabbit bed online, again paid no car park, £6.00
Total left in the Kitty: £11.64

7th April: Didn’t go out today so didn’t spend any money, hooray. In fact, two items I put up on ebay sold; a t-shirt for £1.04, and a jumper for £1.02, adding £2.06 to my earnings of the day. Obviously I’m aware that the items sold for pittance, but I see it as making a tiny bit of money from clothes I never wear whilst clearing out my room at the same time, so it’s win-win for me.

Total Expenditures Today: £0.00
Total Savings Today: +£2.06 from ebay sales.
Total left in the Kitty: £13.70

8th April: Went to town to meet a friend for brunch but beforehand I went to the bank to deposit £4 worth of 1p and 2p coins I’d been saving up for donkeys years. When I got there the bank lady said that one of the bags weighed in as only having 99p, which either meant I’d counted it up wrong or a penny had fallen out somewhere in my bag. I’m a very pedantic penny counter so my instant reaction was to audibly gasp with horror at the error (the scandals I get up to; my life is the basis for an episode of Last of the Summer Wine) unfortunately I couldn’t find one more single penny in any pocket or crevice of my bag to make up the pound which meant I could only deposit £3.

Next stop was the 99p store, which I was ridiculously excited to go to. It’s been ages since I’d been there, and I was anxious to get my fix. I’m a big fan of their prices, particularly when it comes to toothpaste, why pay £2 for branded toothpaste in a cosmetics store or supermarket when you can get the same product for 99p at the 99p store? It was my lucky day today as they had an offer, buy 2 Colgate toothpastes (my brand of choice coincidentally) and get a third for free! AMAZING. Whilst I’m on the subject of Colgate, my one Colgate fact is that in the Philippines, ‘colgeyt’ is the colloquial term for toothpaste, cool huh?

                                                     
                                                                             Heaven

I complimented my toothpaste treasure with the one remaining bag of mini eggs in the whole store, they weren’t even in their correct place, clearly a sign of fate if I ever saw one. So, £1.98 on toothpastes and 99p on mini eggs came to the grand total of £2.97 at the till point. I did consider handing over my remaining bag of 99 penny coins but the queue was quite long so I refrained.

After that productive 30 minutes, it was time to meet up with Charley for some grub at the holy land of all yummy mummies, Finch House. After silently cursing the café for not having their tomato soup as their soup of the day, I settled on a tuna and cucumber baguette and a pot of tea. I was expecting to pay £5.15 but for some reason the baguette came up 25p cheaper on the till than advertised in the chiller, warranting a little victory dance as I handed over my fiver.

We finished up and I headed back to my car, more efficiently than I had estimated, which meant the £2.30 I’d paid on car parking for 2-3 hours wasn’t necessary, I would’ve got away with paying the £1.70 fare for 1-2 hours (60p!! 60 precious pennies wasted!). However seeing as I saved 25p from the till error, I only lost 35p, so swings and roundabouts really.

Total Expenditures Today: £10.17
Total Savings Today: Deposited £3.00 into the kitty, 25p from the baguette, plus can I just re-iterate how good that toothpaste deal was, 3 toothpastes for £2.00!
Total left in the Kitty: £6.53

Uh-oh, I’m back down to a handful of pound coins once again. It feels like I’m riding the high tide of boom and bust- some days I have all the money in the world, then the next day nothing but a grain of sand to my name. I don’t think this ‘experiment’ is going to last much longer.

9th April: Spent no money today which is good, but because I worked at both shops today I drove about 25 miles in total, meaning my car has just guzzled away at petrol, and already it looks like I’m going to need top up sooner rather than later.
Today was a loooooong day, super busy at both jobs so I was feeling pretty stressed, tired and hungry by the end of the day. My hypothetical Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is resembling a squashed Toblerone triangle at the moment and I’ve got it all again tomorrow.

Total Expenditures Today: £0.00
Total Savings Today: Car parking £5.00, lunch £3.00
Total left in the Kitty: £6.53

10th April: I really, really wanted to park in the car park today. I was still tired from yesterday and was looking to conserve energy but the stingy in me refused to succumb to handing over my precious gold especially as I’m low on funds. I took the right turn into the residential road and was driving along…went past my normal parking spot which was taken…went a little further…still no spaces… a bit further…eventually ended up miles away. Then it started raining. At the time I felt pretty unlucky and manifested this in the form of audible grumbling as I trudged up the hill (reminiscent of Carl from Up) but now in hindsight I’m so glad I didn’t give in and waste money on the car park.

Celebrated with my monthly £2 allowance on Glamour Magazine (it’s essential to my wellbeing).
I had also planned to buy lunch today, giving myself a £3 allowance, but when the time came I decided to forego shop bought and instead made it back home in time to have a quick cuppa and some toast before setting off again. For some reason today’s shifts just went so slowly, it doesn’t help that my watch is still one hour behind from Daylight Saving Time, but every single minute seemed to draw out twice as long today.

Total Expenditures Today: £2.00
Total Savings Today: Car park £5.00, lunch £3.00
Total left in the Kitty: £4.53

11th April: Spent nothing today, and turned down the opportunity for a trip to Spoons with friends due to my poor pea-brain being overworked this week, inevitably saving money. Also found 10 Euros in my pocket, not quite the same as finding a tenner but it’s still currency!

Total Expenditures Today: £0.00
Total Savings Today: Car park £5.00
Total left in the Kitty: £4.35

12th April: Popped to town today to post the two items I’d sold on ebay. Even though the buyer pays for the postage, I always forget to include the cost of the envelope so I lost £1.10 using my own money to pay for packaging.
I then went to WHSmiths to pre-order Dan Brown’s latest book, Inferno, putting down a £3 deposit, to which I’ll add another £7 to when the book comes out in May. It did mean I got another book, Sanctus, for free so really it’s as if I’m paying £5 for each book, which is a really good deal.

The rabbit bed I’d bought off ebay had arrived in the post when I got home, and it was absolutely tiny! Widow Pickles would just about fit one of her gigantic ears in it, let alone her whole body. I’m going to have to return it. I checked the returns policy and it says that I have to pay for the postage to return it, and that I’ll just be refunded the £3.83 for the bed. Annoying, as it means I’ll be throwing £2.60 into thin air. Not a very successful saving money day.

                      
                                     "Large" rabbit bed                                             Not a real rabbit

Total Expenditures Today: £1.10 envelopes, £3.00 deposit for book.
Total Savings Today: Got a book worth £7.99 for free.
Total left in the Kitty: 25p.

13th April: As I only have 25p left in my purse, and have spectacularly failed my mission to make £40 last me a month (it was never going to happen) I can declare that the challenge is over.
However, in just two weeks I have already learnt a lot about my spending habits that I wasn’t aware of before, and the constant reminder in the back of my mind about being careful with my money did serve to save me car parking and lunch expenses on the odd days I would've usually splurged.
For pure curiosity I’m going to continue keeping a log of my expenditures for the rest of April just to see how much I really spend in a month, especially as I won’t be as restrained now I have no ‘kitty’ limit. Welcome back, Debit Card.

14th April: It’s just as well the “frugalness” finished when it did as I was back to zero petrol once again. I topped up another £25 at my new favourite Shell garage in St. Johns. Now that I have their loyalty card, the desire to get points which will one day lead to rewards is probably the main reason I fill up there now. Points mean prizes! (B. Forsyth, 1996).  

15th April: Returned the tiny rabbit bed back to the ebay seller, spending £2.60 on postage. Then consequently spent another £11 on rabbit related necessities; food, sawdust and an £8 wooden tunnel that she can hide in when she’s scared (which is 90% of the time). As the pet shop had run out of bags big enough for said tunnel, they popped it in a canvas bag which they had lying around, it’s quite sturdy and useful so I feel like I’ve gained a free bag that will come in handy for beach trips in the summer.

16th April: Long day at the shops again, needed some proper fuel at lunch to recharge my batteries so I got a cheese sandwich from Boots (£1, can’t go wrong). An absolute bargain compared to what other places charge.

Turns out that free book I got when I pre-ordered Dan Brown's upcoming novel turned out to be pretty good. In fact I couldn't put it down. It's part of a trilogy, and conveniently there were vouchers inside for the next two in the series, so I used one of them to get the second instalment, The Key, for £3.99 instead of £7.99.

                                                                 My bargain books

17th April: Didn’t spend any money today.

18th April: Again, not a tuppence was spent.

19th April: After my shift finished at The Body Shop I picked up some Vitamin E facial oil which I’d been meaning to buy for months after my friend/colleague recommended it to me. It’s meant to be really good at improving dry skin and helping skin to heal, quite frankly I could do with a crate of the stuff, but one bottle will do for now.

20th April: Clare, coincidentally the facial oil recommender, was hosting her birthday celebrations in London tonight which I’d eagerly been anticipating and all spending was to be excused under the justification that it was a special occasion. Which was just as well as I mistakenly paid for a travelcard instead of a single on my way up to London, costing me an extra £3.80. Whoops.
When we arrived in London we popped to Tesco’s for nibbles and drinks, where I fell for the old-age impulse buy of the sweets littered near the till point, upping my spend to £5.99. I clearly was a bit jellyfish brained today as it then transpired I hadn’t topped up my oyster card correctly at the station, so had to fork out £2.40 for the bus (I wasn’t bothered about any of this though, as it was strictly a special occasion). 

                              Too busy staring at the Shard to top up my Oyster correctly                              


When we got to the venue later that evening it was a £5 entry fee (not bad for a Saturday night in London) and then I spent £7.95 on a cocktail, gave a friend £5 that I owed him, then put £5 on my oyster for the bus home. All in all I spent about £47 (including the train home the next day) which really isn’t bad for London and besides it was such good fun, totally worth it.

                                                    The birthday girl partying like it's 1999.

21st April: No money spent today.

22nd April: Today I had one mission on my mind, to go back to Boots and buy that lipgloss I’d wanted since the beginning of the month. I don’t know if my newfound spending bug was due to the weekend festivities, or the fact that payday was upon me, but I did go a little bit mad in Boots.
Not only did I get the lipgloss, but also an eyeliner and a mascara (it was on offer! Made a saving of £7) I then bought two hair dyes (also on offer, saved £4) some aftersun (saved £2.50, another offer), three packets of face wipes for £5, which was a ridiculously good deal, and some hair ties. Oh and some shampoo (half price, saved £2) and two chocolate bars (2 for £1). I ended up spending about £23.50 but all of it was in a deal, so I must’ve saved a billion pounds, whilst earning £2.50 worth of points to spend in the future.

23rd April: A customer came into the shop today with the most amazing leopard print leggings so I asked her where she got them from and she replied ‘Topshop for £10’. So, straight after work I hot footed it over the road to investigate and sure enough there they were. Topshop was having a mini sale, and although the leggings weren’t in my size, something else caught my eye instead, a green zip up hoody, in my size, for £10. I had bought the exact same hoody (in burgundy) in the boxing day sales for £15 and haven’t stopped wearing it since, and although it’s increasing peachy weather these days, the green hoody would be a good investment for this winter, plus it was a bargain at £15 cheaper than its usual selling price.

Outside Topshop was a man playing the bagpipes, which was such a beautiful sound to hear, and made me feel so happy inside, I just wanted to throw all my money at him. Obviously I couldn’t do that but I gave him a pound for his troubles anyway.

24th April: So far I’ve still managed to avoid paying car park fees when at work this whole month, opting to walk instead (and spending saved money on food). After finishing work I met with my friends fan club at Spoons (we're officially regulars now) and ordered a £4.19 jacket potato for dinner, yum.

25th April: Found £20 in an old purse when I was tidying, which was a very welcome surprise, and just as well as the old hot wheels had ran out of petrol again, requiring me to top up another £15 worth. I also then spent 63p on biscuits.  

26th April: PAYDAY.  Hallelujah I made it to the end of the month. Seeing all my expenses written down has made me realise just how quickly little things add up, I’m really shocked at how much goes on petrol, and I’ve learnt I need to be careful not to make silly mistakes that end up costing me money (overestimating car park, postage for ebay, buying a bed for a rodent, clicking for wrong train ticket, etc).

Since the end of April, and payday, I’ve filled up another £30 of petrol, been to London twice, attempted summer clothes shopping, been to Spoons twice, had another £30 night out with friends, spent nearly £10 on sweets, and £6 in Costa Coffee, all of which makes me cringe with annoyance at how anti-productive I am to my own savings. In fairness, I am resolute that I will spend less this month, in fact, on the latest Spoons trip I just used a voucher for a free hot drink and didn’t buy anything else, which is a good start. 

Though I may start playing the lottery just in case....




Monday, 8 April 2013

Happy Birthday Blog

Would you believe it, thetinypotato blog is now over a year old!

This would have been much more poignant if I’d acknowledged the anniversary in February when it actually turned 1 but I was on one of my sporadic blogging hiatuses and completely missed it.

But! There’s no birthday better than a belated one, so to celebrate I've assembled a selection of the best pictures of dogs celebrating birthdays in internet existence:

Headdresses are taken very seriously in the pug underworld. 

Next it'll be 4am drunken shenanigans with traffic cones at roundabouts. 

These dogs are loving life right now.

Now for some pugs in genuine denial that they've become another year older:

This is not the elegant birthday celebration I had envisioned.

A flaming, inedible stick? What sorcery is this? 

And two dogs who would do anything for their cupcakes:

Nothing is more important in life than this cupcake.

Could watch this video endlessly.

And of course, probably the most famous birthday dog on the interwebs:

Riley the smiling birthday dog.

Thank you to my loyal following of approximately 7, and to all those who happen to click on the occasional self promotion links I post, and those that merely happen to stumble upon it (literally through stumbleupon.com).

Just for your interest, the Top 3 most viewed posts from the last year were:

1.  Job Rejection No. 2 (glad to see you’re all getting pleasure from my misery)
2.  Centerparcs: An Anecdote
3.The unluckiest/luckiest holiday

Here’s to another year of long post blogging!

Ruth.

P.S. If anybody has any birthdays coming up, might I recommend you celebrate in style with the birthday potato rather than a birthday cake? My long-time favourite card designer, Edward Monkton, has created a birthday card acknowledging the extraordinary prowess of the humble potato. Love his work, he's nearly as mad as me: http://www.edwardmonkton.com/

Thursday, 31 January 2013

Centerparcs: An Anecdote

The last time I went to Centerparcs I was 13. I don’t remember a whole lot except that it rained, I made a nifty pair of earrings at the craft club, and my mum nearly got left behind in the car park.

Returning 9 years later, sans parents but with two cars full of friends, I had a feeling it would be an entirely different experience as an adult rather than a child. In total we were 7 young adults (6 girls, 1 arguably lucky boy- rumour has it large same sex groups aren’t permitted under the suspicion of being a stag/hen party) staying in the woodland lodge accommodation (third from the bottom in terms of price but it was luxurious by our post-uni standards). We paid £45 each for our four-day four-night trip, which I thought was a total bargain.

When we arrived we prioritised what we would do. First stop: food. We went to the Asda’s round the corner to stock up on the basics- tea, coffee, pasta, & alcohol- instead of using the onsite supermarche (their word, not mine) which obviously is more convenient and comes with the added bonus of tiny weeny shopping trolleys, but is more expensive. It was a no brainer to go to Asda’s. Perhaps that's why Centerparcs lodges are so cheap because a lot of money is made through the onsite supermarket and food outlets. There were no Pizza Huts or greasy cafes, but rather a Strada and Café Rouge.

When we returned, the car park was teeming with arrivals, I was honestly really surprised how busy the place was, considering school had started again. I had thought we might have the whole place to ourselves, but instead we were mere small fish in a lake of retired couples and young families.

Next job: Bikes. It’s practically illegal not to get a bicycle when you go to Centerparcs. It’s bordering on a cultural ritual. Considering most of us hadn’t ridden a bike in years this was going to be an interesting experiment as to whether old dogs forget old tricks. To hire an adult sized bike for the four days sets you back £25, a little bit expensive I think but if your lodge is far away from the main centre then it’s worth the money. I tried to get away with hiring a kiddy’s bike which would have cost me £17 for the week but I wasn’t allowed despite my pleas that I am the size of a child and therefore should be treated as one. These people have no sympathy.

With it being practically pitch black as we left the bike centre, we rode our little bicycles back to the lodge with the moonlight shining on us and our hats and scarves flying in the wind. It really reminded me of that scene in E.T when Elliott & co are cycling down the road.

Cycling home

The lodge itself, as I alluded to before, was impressive. All the furnishings looked new and there was even a chalkboard on one of the walls. Ingenious. The lounge area was really cosy and we quickly adopted our spots on the sofa. There were two fridges and a dishwasher in the kitchen which was highly exciting, and the bathrooms were divine- all shiny metal and tiled floors, radiators that stretched from floor to ceiling and the welcoming sight of lavender hand soap. Best of all though was the duvets; they were so thick and fluffy to the extent that it felt like you were in a cocoon when you were underneath them. One morning I was close to metamorphosing into a butterfly but then I remembered I was a human not a caterpillar.
                                                         

Kat being the organising mastermind behind our trip chose to have our lodge right next to a lake so that we could feed the ducks in the morning. This was my main concern- I would not leave this land without feeding the ducks. The only problem was it was so cold outside that the lake had frozen over and there were no duckies in sight. However after returning to the warmth of the lodge a little feline friend appeared at our patio door which Beth fed some premium salmon. Centerparcs is all about the trees and the animals so at least one animal was helped with its search for food during the cold weather.  

The view from our lodge

The evening consisted of trying not to asphyxiate ourselves using the gas oven (one of the few cons of the lodge, and a big pain at that) as we relentlessly attempted to turn it on, followed by a game of Articulate, a few evening tipples of the good stuff and a movie.

First stop the next morning was the Pancake House which we cycled to. It was a beautiful winter’s morning, fresh, brisk air permeated by the warmth of the sun. Even though it was our first real day cycling it became apparent that within a very short time our bums would be suffering from the uncomfortable nature of the bike seats. It’s a mystery how Bradley Wiggins and Chris Hoy do this 24/7.

With our pancakes devoured, we cycled down to the leisure centre to see what the happenings are down that end of the village. Turned out, all the happenings were there. We had a look round and planned our activities for the next day before returning home to change for the pool.

I was very excited to visit Poolio Iglesias (the pool) and to test out all the water attractions. It’s certainly a highlight for most people visiting Centerparcs I think. It seemed smaller from my perspective now compared to 9 years ago, and it would be nice if there was one or two more water slides to mix it up a bit, but we sure did make the most of the slides they had on offer:

The White Slides. These slides are inexplicably evil; I remember my encounter with them many years back and the throbbing pain they caused me on impact with the water. I glared at them with steely eyes. They would not win this time. Precisely 0.5 seconds after propelling myself down it I was in the water with that oh too familiar feeling of hitting a brick wall. Ow. We still went on them again and again and again though.

                                                 

The Rapids were my favourite, they’re really not that bad (apart from when you get stuck in a strong whirling current and become the landing cushion for a grown man coming down behind you). I found them much better and easier to endure as a marginally taller and stronger adult rather than a feeble child. We tried to be creative on the main drop by forming a conga line but suddenly realised the error of our ways when we failed to slide down due to too much friction. Slightly embarrassing considering people were waiting behind us for us to hurry up, intently watching us as we shuffled down the slide inch by inch like an obese slug. Squeaky noises included.  

                                                  

The Green Slides. These two slides are pretty fun if you can gain speed and shoot down them, not so fun if you don’t and plod down them at 5mph. They should consider sending more water down the slides so that people go faster.

The Lazy River & The Wave Machine. The lazy river is a prime example of the best things in life being the simplest (which slightly contradicts my reasoning for why I love the rapids and slides so much but hey ho). It’s a small channel circling around a rock with a current just strong enough to propel you around it gently. I presume it’s called the Lazy River because it’s for people who are too lazy to swim.
The wave machine on the other hand is ideally for people who can tread water well and for a relatively long period of time. Unlike me who held onto the side of the wall the entire duration. You do start to get weirdly seasick after a while actually but it’s a good little attraction for the whole family.

Lastly, a quick dip in the plunge pool to send a shock to the system before retreating to the hot Jacuzzi is something that just has to be done.

Trip to the pool over, we headed back home for the evening’s festivities. Which consisted of a competitive game of Scrabble, drinking, drinking games, cards, extreme chalkboard desecration, a fantastic game of sardines and playing 40/40 into the early hours of the morning. The things we get up to, golly!

This evening however had a dramatic twist to it. This was the evening of the 15p bag. 

Richard and I had gone cycling to the supermarket to buy some ketchup, some burgers, some burger buns (for him) and some coca cola (for me). I got my coke and he got his various items. I was paying at the till and the cashier asked me if I needed a bag, I said I did, she said they cost 10p for 3, I said okily dokily and got 3 bags.

THE PLOT THICKENS.

We left the supermarket happy as larrys, only for Richard to realise he’d forgotten the ketchup– the most vital ingredient of all- so we headed back. Whilst I was waiting for him I checked my receipt and saw I had been charged 45p for 3 bags. No no no, this cannot be, the lady said they were 10p for 3. The scallywag cashier had since gone, in those dastardly minutes between us leaving and returning so I took it upon myself to ask a different cashier. I told her I’d been charged 15p each per bag and that I was only using two anyway. She said they were 15p, despite there being two signs within my reading distance that they were 10p each (and really that’s what I should have been charged them as under the Sales of Goods Act 1979). Anyway, I get my 15p refund for the bag I’m not using but sadly the tealeaves have got away with an extra 20p of my hard-earned cash. The moral of this tale is that no matter how small, you should fight against injustice and lies until rightfully vindicated. 

Day 3 and it was the day of activities. After a morning rally of the water slides we cycled back down to the leisure centre where we hired out two badminton courts and had some good old fashioned hand eye coordination sports. On the way down however something happened that I genuinely didn’t think happened outside of movies- Beth went head over handlebars on her bike into a bush and was pulled out by a handsome man jogging by (whose fault it was in the first place incidentally). I didn’t see it happen, only the aftermath of her emerging from said bush, but luckily she was alright and we persevered on. 
Badminton turned out to be super fun, I don’t know if that’s because I like playing it, or whether it’s the endorphins talking but it was really good, and cheap too, £3.50 for each person (inc. hiring court, rackets and shuttlecocks).

Following that, four of us split off to do roller skating whilst the other three watched on like proud parents before joining the other grown-ups in Starbucks for a well needed caffeine fix. Although supposedly meant to be a roller skating disco (images of a disco ball and leg warmers come to mind) the music blaring out alternated between current, upbeat hits, to depressing 80s power ballads. Slightly weird.

The week in general went by seamlessly because we were pretty much all in agreement with what we wanted to do every day. Evenings were pretty much the same every night: manoeuvring around each other in the small kitchen, putting the logs in the fire, and trying to consume all the alcohol we brought via a variety of games.

Day 4, our last full day: This day was a chillaxing day which started off by us cycling halfway to the leisure centre then locking our bikes up to catch the ‘land train’ the rest of the way. Why it is called a ‘land train’ despite the fact that it isn’t a train and that trains are on land anyway, I do not know. It looked more like a long squashed bus than a train, so really it should be called the Sausage Bus if anything. Once we got to the centre our whole afternoon consisted of playing pool. It became something of a tournament, with us taking up 3 tables in the pool hall. Personally this was my favourite part of the whole trip, and the irony that I could play pool in any pub round the corner from where I live was not lost on me. It really is the little things in life that give the most enjoyment! Following our pool extravaganza, we did the other activity I’d been waiting to do all week…we fed the ducks. It was such a cold day, and they were in the cold water, they must’ve been so cold, but then we came along and tried to feed as many as possible with what we had. Happy days.

                                                
                                                                                                       Make way for the Sausage Bus

We returned to our lodge for cups of tea and coffee before setting off for an evening trip to the pool. On the way we dropped off rubbish in the dumpsters where Kat subsequently became acquainted with an abandoned swimming noodle and decided to bring it with her to the pool (not sure if that’s the technical term for one of those long flotation devices but it seems an accurate description).

Swimming in the heated water of the outside swimming pool with the cold evening air on our faces and complete blackness of the sky above was pretty special. You could see the steam of the water rising into the air and before long it was beginning to snow tiny snowflakes making it all the more surreal. We went on the rapids another couple of hundred times, it was after all our last night, then finished with a long soak in the 33 degree Jacuzzi. Kat’s dirty noodle turned out to be a dearly treasured accompaniment on our last evening.

Day 5- Home Time! Despite all the weather warnings earlier in the week about heavy snow due to fall, until I saw it on the Friday morning, I never really believed it could snow so much in one night. But it did. At one point it looked likely that we might end up stranded overnight in the emergency snow bunker Centerparcs was setting up in a restaurant. Luckily  a couple of hours later, after talking around to incoming visitors and getting weather updates it seemed safe enough to drive home, and lo and behold it stopped snowing just as soon as both cars set off. My only final comment of the holiday was that we stopped at Fleet Services on the way back, which I’d always heard was one of the best service stations around, so I was expecting 5* hotel quality when we pulled up, but I was disappointed. It was nice and new, but it was tiny, was there a whole other section that we missed? Is a Starbucks drive-thru really necessary? I don’t understand.

Overall Verdict: Go to Centerparcs. It’s good, organic fun.

The memories I won’t forget:

All of us on the sofa having breakfast and watching the news about that helicopter crash in London 

Swimming in the outside pool at night catching snowflakes on our tongues with a sky full of stars above us

Going to bed at 1am Thursday night to no snow, waking up 8am Friday morning in bleedin’ Narnia