Countdown

Countdown. One of the most underrated TV shows around. This Channel 4 staple may seem like the grannies favourite but I am determined to reveal its true, wondrous self to the world. My plan is to enlighten you of its glory and achieve world peace through collective Countdown admiration.

 

Your life will be better with Countdown in it

In June, following a craving for instant, mildly intellectual visuals, I searched for Countdown on YouTube and found a corker of an episode. I had picked a preliminary round in the run up to the Countdown Series Finale (yes, that exists) where contestants were battling it out to be crowned Countdown Champion (yes, that also exists).

The current leader, Jonathan Rawlinson, a 19 year old mathematics student was against Barry, a 30-something crossword enthusiast as they fought to the death using numbers and letters as their weaponry.

I knew this was a special episode when the respective words they produced in the first round were angioma and magnolia.

The fierce competition continued throughout and my senses were heightened as I waited to be blown away by their genii. 

Jonathan scores 7 in the next round with hoplite. Barry gets no points.

The third letters round is when my brain starts to kick in and I feel very smug with my 7-letter word, various. Barry only gets a 5, perhaps he was deterred by the hoplite blinder from Jonathan in the previous round. What on earth is a hoplite anyway? Barry’s 5 is roast. This amuses me. Jonathan, the increasingly apparent demigod puts us all to shame with his 7 letter word, travois.

Turns out a travois is a sledge used by North American Indians consisting of two joined poles pulled by a horse. Of course. Everybody knows that.

I am beginning to suspect that Jonathan is an alien.

But then Susie in Dictionary Corner comes out with a corker of an 8, virtuous! It’s so obvious now she says it. That’s always the case with these pesky letters rounds.

                                   

                   Angioma                                                                                                          Hoplite

                                                             

                                                                                    Travois

This game was shaping up nicely to be a good little competition. Barry was doing his best to keep up with human dictionary Jonathan, keeping on his tail the whole game.

Then, it gets even better.

The clock begins ticking, I get raison then realise that’s a French word. Then I make desire only to realise I've used my 'e' twice. Before I know it, the duh duh dah duh doo do dee doo doooo music signals the end and I have nothing for that round. Argh.

Barry says he has an 8. SARDINES! What a comeback Barry! 

Nick turns to Jonathan, affectionately nicknaming him ‘the kid’ which makes me think that if he were a cowboy in an old western film, his cowboy name would definitely be Jonathan 'The Kid' Rawlinson.  

Jonathan says he has 9. I don’t believe it. 

The word?

Anodisers.

Seriously, this guy is a genius. I am in awe of him. I make the decision to commit myself to watching every single one of his appearances despite it being 11pm at night; I will not rest until I know he has won the trophy!

Barry and Jonathan’s fight takes a turn for the worse in the next round however. Barry gets wee whereas Jonathan gets mug.

Next round, I spot alien, maybe Jonathan’s relatives are trying to communicate with me…

Jonathan comes out with labiate which perturbs me a little as I try to guess the meaning of such a word. Turns out it’s a plant from the mint family with a two lobe flower. Ah. I wish I’d never asked. Dirty Jonathan.

But can we just take a moment to question…HOW THE HELL DOES HE KNOW THAT PLANT NAME??

During the episode he has shown advanced chemical, historical, and botanical knowledge despite the fact he was awaiting his enrolment at Cambridge to study a pure and applied maths degree. You would think one specialist subject was enough but he really is widely read. And for that reason I am in love with him.

Moving on, Barry seems to be wilting under the insanely good performance from ‘The Kid’ and nearing the end, when Barry’s practically waving the white flag of defeat, Jonathan comes out with delouses from a really hard set of letters. The audience gave him a round of applause just for that. Incredible performance. Scrap the alien suspicions, he’s got to be a cyborg. Only explanation.

And then, if this whole episode wasn't enough to whet my nerdy entertainment needs, the countdown conundrum was revealed and within about 1.5 seconds, Jonathan's buzzer goes off. He's spotted the word before my brain even registered what letters were before me. 

The audience (who were mostly elderly) were not prepared for the sound of the buzzer so soon and you could actually hear a wave of collective old lady gasps in the studio. There may even have been faintings.

The Kid got the word right, it was warehouse.

So the Countdown Marathon began as I watched all of his subsequent appearances up until the actual final, and he scored over 100 points every single time. With bloodshot eyes, at 3am, I pressed play on the final episode to discover if Johnny boy finished the series victorious. 

The only person standing in the way of him was his opponent, fellow teenager Jack Worsley. It was like modern day Sparta, words were being thrown like spears, teeth were bared viciously in the façade of smiles and dictionaries all over the nation became dog eared as the two young wordsmiths came out with words such as santero and pithoi. 

                           

                                              Jack                                                                              Jonathan

                                                                  People with J names are clever

The tension was palpable, who was going to take the crown? My heart was set on Jonathan but his deserved win was cruelly stolen at the last second. Their respective points meant that Jonathan needed to get the countdown conundrum to win, and after 29 seconds neither competitor had deciphered the word yet. 

As the final ‘tick’ of the clock sounded for the crucial conundrum, I saw in that split second that Jonathan had spotted the answer, but he was too late to press his buzzer and was resigned to runner-up. Tears were shed that day.

Aside from the melancholy, perhaps you can see why I love Countdown so much; at its essence it is an entertainment show in which you are guaranteed to learn something. 

Also, I'm fairly certain that Nick Hewer actually hates people, which is fairly amusing. 

                                         

To end this post, I leave you with a delightful, seasonally apt tale that Susie from Dictionary Corner once told: How the robin got his red breast:

It goes that when Jesus was on the cross, a robin swooped down and tried to wipe the blood away from Jesus’ face so that he could see. The blood stained his breast and this explains why robins are always found on Christmas cards.

©Alex Saberi

 As a reward for those of you who managed to make it to the end of this rapturous blog post, here is a little Countdown Christmas present from me to you: Merry Christmas

Next week: Why I find watching snooker on TV highly fascinating. 

Don't worry, I won't actually write about that, but it should come as no surprise to you that I do think snooker is highly entertaining to watch.