Job Rejection No.1

-Content Research Intern, part of the Audience Insight and Technology Department at Channel 4.

This was the first job I applied for post-uni. I was really excited about this one; it sounded right up my street- exciting, dynamic environment, lots of researching involved, and the opportunity to bring in my Psychology knowledge. It had me at hello insight.

I spent bloomin’ ages on the application, tried to make it as funny and not boring as possible (I mean they must read tons of the same old application, how else am I gonna stand out?) I suspect I wrote more than they were expecting, but I wanted to get my determination and enthusiasm for the job across.

I didn’t even get through to the next stage. Was a bit gutted at first. However, in hindsight, I can totally see why they turned me down…

I think I might have falsely assumed that Channel 4’s fun-loving, forward thinking, and open-minded attitude to television programming would filter down to the recruitment level. I realise now that my attempt at creating an application that stood out and showed my fun side was perhaps not the best tactic at stage 1 of an application process. Perhaps they weren’t too fond of these snippets: (screen grabs from my actual application).

Mistake number 1- starting a sentence with “at my own personal detriment” probably doesn’t create the best first impression.

Then leading on to describing myself as “weird” and mentioning that my “thought filter takes days off” was not a good idea either. Oh God, this is application suicide. Lesson learnt; do not mention your weaknesses in an application. Admitting that I produce “an onslaught of random, unrelated thoughts and sentences (hopefully I pull this off as charming rather than ‘crazy -lady’ )”.....what was I thinking!? Then I basically tell them I’m boring and have no good stories.

It gets worse…

Hey, at least it answers the question!

I understand now that my approach may not have been professional enough, and I didn’t demonstrate my serious and mature manner so it's safe to assume that the impression they formed of me was "dear God, code red, crazy lady alert".

Maybe my comparison to Liam Neeson was also not appreciated… 

Taken is such a good movie though, okay so I may be comparing my aspirations to a ruthless murderer, but if I was recruiting and an applicant said they liked the movie Taken, I’d hire them! What’s become of this world, where cinematic preferences do not take precedence over academic qualifications?

Besides, how could they not like my reference to tea!?

Lastly, they just might have been offended by my honest account of a conversation I had with my father a couple of day earlier which I thought answered the question perfectly…

I admit, that is really, really informal and not in a good way. It’s as if I’m having a conversation with the computer. I quote, “Rick Edwards commentary, you just can’t make it up!” (that is true though, at least I don’t lie on my applications! he is hilarious). The final straw for them surely was that typo on the last line, using a capital 's' on ‘see’. No matter how many times you read over things, there will always be one damn typo.

Again, what I said about My Big Fat Fetish is true…seriously, what other channel would do such a documentary? I wrote that sentence as a compliment!

It is hard to find the balance of how formal and informal you can be in these applications, and especially being Channel 4 I would’ve thought they might have welcomed a bit of humour. What I don’t understand regarding the protocol of presenting a really serious account of yourself is that, yes that might land you the job, but it’s not necessarily a wholly true representation of yourself. Surely, once someone starts the job, then shows their more extroverted side, shows their humour, aren’t the colleagues surprised? I think it’s better to try and get across your true personality in an application because really, that’s who you are going to be when you’re working there, so you shouldn’t want to hide it just to get a job.

Either way, I’ve learnt I need to show my serious, professional side more, and tone down the enthusiasm/weirdness, as in this competitive environment you need to show a cool, calm and collected manner rather than an excitable, jokey, friendly one.

Well I hope you’ve enjoyed my lesson in how not to get a job J

Onto the next job!

P.S. apologies for the inordinate number of times I mentioned the word ‘true’. What can I say, I’m an honest person J

Part 2: The saga continues

Following the slight embarrassment regarding Marco’s face, things begin to go downhill rapidly as Chesca and I are reduced to a pair of bumbling fools, giggling like schoolgirls for the remainder of our time for no apparent reason.   

I am beginning to sweat.

The room seems to have notched up a degree on the thermostat and I’m feeling sleepy.  Is it possible to have consumed so much tea that our bodies are becoming hyponatremic?  I’m quite sure that when I shift in my seat I hear the sloshing of the liquid within- I have become a human water snake toy.

Photo from the day

Unfortunately the fun we were having could not disguise the burgeoning pain stemming from our abdomens. I have suddenly become 5 months pregnant with a tea baby. Chesca is also experiencing this Immaculate Conception. She says we’re bloated. Bloated?

What. From tea!?! I admit, reader I've never truly felt bloated before and have never understood what people meant by it but as I soothed my tea babies with lullabies, I had a gastronomic awakening.  This painful feeling of extreme satiation was not a pleasant experience. Not even after one of Brighton’s infamous Chick’s takeaways (best takeaway ever by the way) had I felt like this, yet here I was resembling a pumped up toad.

Artists Impression

Marco returns and fills our cups with even more tea. “Are you northern?” he asks. Baffled, we reply “no” which sets off even more giggles. Strange Marco. Maybe he’s been drinking some of this magic tea too…

We want to leave but we can’t. We physically can’t, and the room has begun to feel so claustrophobic and stuffy that I begin to get suspicious about how one and a half scones, 4 small sandwiches and about 6 cups of tea could’ve resulted in my demise.  I diagnosed Chesca and myself with potential MSG overdose. Trust me, I’m a qualified hypochondriac.

I had analysed the possible causes: do they pump the food with air? Are there hallucinogenics in the tea? Is that a dolphin playing the piano? Does the food contain additives that fill the consumer up quicker, meaning the restaurant saves on food costs?  This final thought led me to question the possibility of MSG enhancement in the food here.

MSG, better known as monosodium glutamate, is an amino acid that was developed in Japan by Dr. Kikunae Ikeda in the early 20th century as a flavour enhancer, following his discovery of a fifth taste bud receptor which he named umami. Umami joins sweet, salt, bitter and sour receptors on our tongues and corresponds to savoury tastes in foods.

The worldwide implications of this manufactured taste is that now many restaurants (and food producers) now add monosodium glutamate to their foods, yet there have been concerns over the physiological effects of this amino acid on MSG sensitive individuals and individuals who consume high concentrations of this flavour compound.

Foods high in MSG flavouring include soy sauce, processed chicken, and parmesan cheese amongst many others. It’s probable that the high concentration of MSG in soy sauce is what inevitably led to the coining of the term ‘Chinese Restaurant Syndrome’ by Robert Ho Man Kwok to explain the after-effects of eating at a Chinese restaurant. He described the symptoms as occurring 15-20 minutes following the first dish but lasting for two hours. The symptoms he suffered from were palpitations, numbness, and weakness, but others include headache, nausea, chest pain and drowsiness. Together these physiological effects combined with the feeling of fullness prevent the consumer from eating more. Whilst many campaigned that these side effects were the result of MSG added to the Chinese dishes, ultimately this is merely speculative. Nothing has been proven that confirms MSG as responsible for the uncomfortable feelings felt during a meal. In fact, research points in two directions which I will explain further below.  

I'm sure that many people will be familiar with the symptoms described during a meal and the realisation that you cannot eat as much as you would’ve thought capable, but then a short while later feeling hungry once again. Is there a connection between the feeling of satiation and hunger, and is MSG the missing link?  

As mentioned, MSG is thought to have two different effects on the body which is where the research is divided. Some believe that MSG consumption makes you feel fuller quicker due to the appearance of symptoms cited above whereas others propose that MSG serves to make you feel hungrier.

MSG corresponding taste buds have been found to send inaccurate signals to the stomach and brain regarding the protein and nutrition status of the food in which the MSG is included. MSG tricks the taste buds on your tongue into thinking a food is of greater nutritional value than it really is, so you feel less need to eat it as your brain is misinformed that you have succeeded in fulfilling your protein needs for the time being. Your stomach then perceives itself to be full and you stop eating, eating less food in a buffet, saving the restaurant money.

However, many people report feeling hungry an hour or so after finishing a meal containing MSG, which is the basis of the claims that MSG serves to promote hunger. The explanation for this is that the glutamate compound triggers slow insulin release leading you to feel hungry an hour or so later. MSG can cause insulin release when it doesn’t necessarily have to be released, that’s what’s clever and dangerous about it. American food manufacturers use this knowledge to market this hunger as an opportunity for the consumer to eat more of that product. By filling the consumer up with a compound that tells your brain and stomach the food is higher in protein than it actually is, when this wears off you are left hungry once again so eat more of the product. A positive reinforcement occurs and the food is perceived as addictive by the consumer, leading to greater sales of the product, and big bucks for the manufacturers.

MSG can therefore be interpreted as an anti-appetite suppressant. This means it makes you hungrier in the long run due to the drop in blood sugar level, leading to you seeking food again an hour later.  

In relation to the tea for two experience, say I managed to consume a higher concentration of MSG than I usually receive in my diet, not only would the MSG tell my stomach to stop eating, but I suspect my pancreas would have secreted a lot of insulin in response to my spiking blood sugar, which then turned into me experiencing a ‘sugar low’ later on, hence the drowsiness. My point is that if there was MSG in the food provided which filled me up quickly, it leads to me and other guests unable to accept their offers of more sandwiches and scones, therefore saving them money (small note: the price for the tea included unlimited sandwiches and scones essentially).

Or, maybe I just can’t handle my tea.

Lastly, it should be noted that Chinese restaurants are not the only users of MSG, in fact, KFC has been found to add the flavouring in 33 of their products, including gravy and rice according to an investigation. 

Obviously the concerns surrounding MSG are not only health related but also economical. If MSG masks the true nutritional value of food whilst providing a delicious taste then the food manufacturer is able to include less real food so to say, allowing them to cut back on the inclusion of the more expensive, actual food. In particular, as MSG acts as a fake protein, producers can save costs by including less real protein and the consumer doesn’t notice the difference. Imagine a chicken soup, how much chicken do you actually get in those soups? Here’s betting that it contains MSG in the ingredient list.

To conclude, I’ve recently decided that there are just too many additives, sugars, chemicals and whatnots residing in my staple microwaveable meals, (combined with a recent traumatic tuna-chicken experience which I shall share in another post) that I’m going to start cooking meals from fresh a lot more often. All I need to do now is learn how to cook!

Most of my research done on this topic came from this very helpful website: http://www.msgtruth.org/ If you want to find out more about MSG then this is the place to start.

Tea at Harrods? More like MSG at Harrods.

As a joint birthday present from our good friend Amelia, Chesca and I were treated with tickets for the prestigious high tea at Harrods. We both absolutely love drinking tea (addicted? me? don't be silly! -detaches intravenous tea drip surreptitiously-) so what better way to celebrate our birthdays than going to drink tea in one of London's iconic landmarks, where surely the glamorous setting would only further enhance the deliciousness of the tea. This would be the best tea to ever grace our taste buds, and one of the best birthdays ever. 

So do not be disappointed reader, when I tell you that it was one of the most awkward yet hilarious experiences of my life.

Chesca and I had no idea what to wear. We convinced ourselves that jeans and trainers were out of the question. The high society that attends tea at Harrods will be adorned in the finest robes and jewellery, complete with designer contact lenses and genetically engineered Chihuahuas.

We don’t want to stand out like sore thumbs so we both go for dresses.

We arrived fairly smoothly, with little disruption to our journey, but dishelleved, with hair matted to our foreheads with sweat from the stuffy tube. As we drooled at the sight of teapots, tea cups and bunting hanging in the window display of one of the many fascias of Harrods, I noticed how despite our best efforts, maybe we weren’t looking as dignified as I had previously thought. Staring back at me in the reflection of the window pane were two young ladies. One in a leopard print dress with Pat Butcher style dangling earrings, and the other in a bright orange  and yellow Hawaiian-esque patterned dress, our respective hair flying in the wind distributing the sweat globules onto passers-by. Note to self: invest in a full length mirror ASAP.

It was too late to do anything about it though, so with coat zipped firmly up, we entered, hearts palpitating at the grandeur of this labyrinth. We sought refuge at the concierge desk and asked where the high tea is served as we have a reservation. It takes her a while, and a couple of repetitions on our behalf informing her that “We have it booked already” for her to understand that we’re here for high tea, not just any old restaurant tea. She must’ve really convinced herself we weren’t the high tea types. Eventually directed to the right place, we make the marathon journey to the Georgian Terrace, which it turns out, isn’t actually a terrace. It’s more a ballroom with a magnificent opaque domed ceiling, filled with tables and chairs and a grand piano. “Oh my God, Chesca, a piano!!! Someone’s playing the piiiiiano!”

Except they’re not. Someone is in fact playing a CD of someone playing a piano. The first sign that the grandiose of this place is perhaps a little artificial, a metaphorical mockingbird. Less high society, more A Level Theatre Studies classroom. Chesca is offended by the clash of the green carpet with the pink chairs but I remind her we are not one to criticise based on our own vestural choices.

Another thing that displeases us is the lack of real lighting. As mentioned, the ceiling although beautiful, is veiled with a thick frosted glass, and seeing as its not actually a terrace, but a WINDOWLESS PIT, there are no real windows which renders a horrible, unnatural feeling within me and an instinct to flee.

We are seated and Marco our waiter explains to us we need to select a flavour of tea whilst he reels off the sandwiches we will receive.

“Lobster, salmon, ham, coronation chicken, goats cheese“.  As he lists them I wait eagerly for the vegetarian option. Chesca, aware of my aversion to all things flavoursome throws me a look, I turn to Marco, my best attempt at puppy eyes all large and round and plead to him "Do you have any vegetarian sandwiches?" He mentions again the goats cheese and something about pesto and hummus. I don’t hear the rest as I’m already imagining a world where I am force-fed three of my culinary enemies, three things I hate most in the world and there he stands, carelessly THREATENING to put them into my sandwiches.  Oh God.

“Could I have some bread and butter instead please? If it’s not too much trouble, it’s just I don’t really like any of those, sorry”. I respond apologetically.

“Goats cheese?”                                                       

NO MARCO, NOT THE BLOODY GOATS CHEESE.

“No, I really don’t like goats cheese, bread and butter is fine, honestly”.

We settle on cheddar cheese and I am smug as the cat that’s got the cream when my own little plate turns up with cheese sandwiches cut in little triangles. Yes, it looks like a 5 year olds lunch, no, I don’t care.

However, harmony is once again disrupted with the problem of the teas. Where in this tea menu is the PG Tips? Chesca and I read it several times over, but it’s full of jargon and all the teas seem to have ridiculous ingredients in them. My head’s starting to spin; please dear God let them have normal tea. We can’t identify it so we wait for Marco to reappear and he assures us he will bring us the least flavoursome tea they provide.

Cheese sandwiches fit for a Queen.

After the traumatic ordering experience is over I need a stiff drink. But at £36 a pop for a glass of champagne, I think not!  Waiting for our tea Chesca and I take a moment to relax. I scan the room.

Everybody around us is wearing jeans and trainers.

Sigh.

Marco pours our tea for us and it is scrumptious, we start to feel comfortable in our surroundings. The tea is perfectly flavourless so I reach for the teapot to pour ourselves another cup each but end up recoiling at the slightest touch of the silver inferno before me-it’s piping hot! I immediately begin to assess my chances of successfully suing Qatar Holdings for first degree burns….

A wandering waitress has seen my feeble attempt for tea and walks over to pour it for us. She informs us that the waiters will always pour the tea. I ask her how come she doesn’t burn herself when holding the teapot (she wears no protective equipment on her hands at all) and she responds looking at the ground that she is used to it. I joke that maybe her sensory receptors have been desensitised from touching it so often. She smiles but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. She looks sad deep within. But then again, I would be too if I didn’t have any thermoreceptors.

A while later, when Chesca and I are on an eating hiatus to allow the bloating to subside and the food to digest, we pass the time by creating little faces on our scones. Chesca makes a wonderful little smiley face on a scone that actually I believe, conveys such raw human emotion. It genuinely looks like a happy person!

                                                                          

Case in point: Barry the fruit scone, having the time of his life.

My attempt. Barry's detained twin that nobody really talks about.

I’m so impressed and proud of my artistic lady friend that when Marco eventually returns to pay us a visit I say to him ‘Look, we made a face!’ like an excited child.

He replied ‘Thank you’. I dismiss his comment despite it not quite following the course of dialogue.

He saunters off and Chesca asks, “Why did you say that?”

“Say what?”

“That he had a nice face”

“WHAT!? No I didn’t!”

“It sounded like you did!”

The realisation that if Chesca who is seated half a metre from me thought I said such a thing likely implies that Marco who was one metre away probably heard that interpretation of my speech also.

Oh dear.

End of Part 1.

(Part 2 doesn’t exist yet. But when it does, it will talk about my lighthearted suspicion that Harrods have pumped their food full of some food additive that renders the consumer full after mere mouthfuls, hence the title of the blog).

The Tinned Fruit Challenge: Part 2

In answer to the challenge I posed 3 weeks ago (has it really been 3 weeks!?) the answer is no. It cannot be done.

In those 7 days, I managed to eat two tinned fruit salads, two and a half tins of tuna and oh wait, that was it. Even worse, I managed to pawn off 3 tunas, the soup and the sweetcorn to lesson my load but it had no effect.

Shameful, I know.

However, my new stomach-expanding related question is:

Can two people successfully consume two pots of tea, two plates of sandwiches, four scones and eight tiny cakes during a ‘tea for two’ experience at Harrods?

You would think so wouldn’t you?